I've been away again. And the enormo-pull to peep Battlecam every hour on the hour has died hard in me and is quietly rotting away, much like I imagine the increasingly shrinking boner toiling away in Bruce/Bubba/Dad's trousers has, especially after the hundredth time he has accidentally seen his wife naked (ie: whenever Vikki takes a dump).

I logged in again last night, figuring there'd be an extra heapin' helpin' of 4th of July Battlecam goodness but nope, just a de-modded Vikki in Tommy's channel doing the same tired shit she's been doing, pretty much from day one - 'no one knows Tommy like I do' and '(so and so)'s a fuckin' whoredog'; the ubiquitous OG Mike (or whatever stupid name he uses now) playing the role of power-mad and overly eager security guard for Tommy's channel (Tommy was out getting his July 4th fuse lit by Shannan, apparently) by kicking and banning everyone like the loser shitbag he is and of course, good ol' Surfrat Dick Clark-ing a dazzling 4th of July extravaganza for us all with fireworks, patriotic music and a fancy-schmancy costume.

In other words, nothing at all was happening on BC and the usual suspects were all there to make sure things stayed good and stinky and boring.

I did notice a fairly good amount of new troll 'freshcuts' chiming in in the chatbox during the 40 or so minutes i stuck around and I must say, some of them were even funny and entertaining to this old fuckhorse. It's always nice to see decent trollmanship these days. It's rare but when it happens, it makes me happy.

Personally, I barely bothered. I'd slip in an occasional 'Vikki, I love you, hon' or 'OGMike, you look like you lost some serious weight, brah. What's your secret?' but that was about it. I have no desire to try and give my best to Battlecam. I learned months ago that cleverness, wit, sarcasm and irony is un-recognized by the BC masses. What's the point of even trying to add anything truly intelligent or funny to the BC discussion? No one gets it or cares and it always ends up feeling like it does when you've just spent hours trying to get into someone's pants and you fail. You kiss, touch and sweet-talk for hours and before you know it, you've just spent 4 hours, cramped in a car, no one is naked and no one has cum.
Basically, you go home with blue balls and you think, 'why did i even bother? i could have jerked off 4 times by now!'. Yeah, that's how it feels when you try giving Battlecam your best and you come to the sad and shitty realization that most BCers STILL think Alki and Zolar are funny and brilliant as fuck.

One last note: that xoamylovexo girl has come back to Battlecam after a short hiatus, with an even cuter profile pic than she had before. I 'perved' on Amy months back, after trolling her over her subtle racist streak. I don't think she's a true racist but when I asked her if she was Asian, she freaked out and she told me she hated Asians. Later on, she claimed to be kidding but then freaked out on someone else and said the same thing to them when they remarked that she looked Asian.

Truth is, I didn't really perv on Amy. I had struck up a nice little conversation with Amy and LisaMarie one night and I realized that the more attention I gave Amy, the nicer she was being to to me so I just kept up the ol' Kodiak dazzle and charm and before long, Amy was asking me if I Skyped. At first I lied and said 'no' because I knew the second she saw that I was not a young or cute or skinny boy for her to have some Skype fun with (NEWSFLASH: i'm not), she'd be devastated. Regardless, she and I started some harmless fake-flirting in the chatbox of whatever channel we were both in (usually Smokethis' or Surfrat's). That's when I got the idea to try and troll the channel into thinking that I was falling in love (y'know, sorta like how Vikki "fell in love" with Tommy) with Amy.

I kinda fucked up though. Had I just kept it to myself and played it up, I could have had some good fun with the whole ruse but one night Amy hit me up a few times to Skype with her and once I got her to admit that she thought Mike was a fucktard,  I asked her if she wanted to have a little trolling fun with me and she said she was down.

Each time I would go into Smoke or Surf or Vikki's room, naturally both OGMike and Amy were on and I would watch and listen as Mike, very awkwardly and completely ineffectually, try and get Amy's attention. Eventually, she'd go along with Mike and act like she was somewhat interested in starting up a new Skype friendship with him.

Knowing what a snitch and big mouth Mike is, and knowing that he would loudly and publicly "out me" as a perv and a loser on Battlecam, I had Amy tell him that I had sent her some dick pics and had started proclaiming my love for her privately and before long, Mike was publicly chastising me for being so gullible and for falling in love with a girl I had never met in real life.  He even claimed that Amy had sent (the nonexistent) dick pics to him and threatened to show them on BC.

It was glorious and it worked. Both Surf and Smokethis started giving me shit and even Tommy made fun of me for being lame. It would have REALLY worked had Amy not chickened out the second the pathological-lying Mike started telling all in Smoke's room that she had sent him naked pics of herself.

Apparently,  she just couldn't bear to have all of Battlecam think of her in that way.

Anyway, I noticed that AmyLove was a mod in Tommy's channel. Hell, everyone seemed to be a mod in Tommy's channel last night.

Well, that is, except me.

And Vikki  :)